“During that time,” continued
Watchman in telling the story of his salvation, “I felt I would not be
effective in work without the power of the Holy Spirit. I must carefully deal
with this problem before God. I needed to seek the power of the Holy Spirit. So
I went again to my spiritual sister, Miss Barber, for counsel. I told her that
there were few people getting saved in my community. Did I need to receive the
power of the Holy Spirit or to be filled with the Holy Spirit in order to win
more souls? Her answer was yes. At that time I was very young and ignorant
concerning spiritual things. I knew God had already saved me and had also
called me. Though I had not yet gained complete victory, I had laid aside many
improper things in my life. I further inquired of her if she had any way or
method by which to be filled with the Holy Spirit. She replied that I must
consecrate myself to God. I said to her that I had already consecrated myself
to Him, but that I still saw my own self. How could I consecrate more? Her
answer was that I must ask God to accept my consecration just as I would have
asked people to accept my gift. As I continued to ask how, she told me a story:
“‘Mr. Prigin was a brilliant
young man. While he was pastoring a church he was at the same time studying for
the degree of Doctor of Philosophy. Two months before the final oral examination,
having already been assured by his professors that he would have no trouble
passing it, he was challenged by God to lay aside his ambition. For some time
he had been asking God to fill him with the Holy Spirit because he was
conscious of his unsatisfactory spiritual life as well as of his lack of power.
He attempted to argue with the Lord by suggesting how much more glorious for
Him to be served by a Doctor of Philosophy; the Lord showed him, however, that
He had no such need. If he really wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit he
must not take the examination. He was perplexed. He agonized over this issue
for two months, till the very Saturday before his examination was to occur on
the following Monday, and while he as usual was once more waiting before the
Lord for the message he was to give on the Lord’s Day. He was still troubled by
this inner struggle. In desperation he finally yielded to the Lord and notified
the school authorities that he would not come for the final examination. Yet he
had been left so exhausted that he could not prepare for the message for the
next day. Upon mounting the pulpit the next day to preach he simply told the
congregation the story of what had just happened to him. There was not a dry
eye in the whole congregation. He became a man greatly used by God.”
“After I heard this story,”
continued Watchman at the 1936 Kulongsu Conference, “I told the Lord that I was
willing to set aside all hindrances to my receiving the power of the Holy
Spirit. Between the years 1920 and 1922 I had confessed my sins and had
apologized to at least two to three hundred people. I reckoned that each single
sin was an obstacle. If I could get rid of all these sins, I would surely
receive power. Nevertheless, having done all this I still did not receive
power.
“By January of 1922 there was
already a small gathering of the Lord’s people at ‘Tze Yuan’ [‘Tze Garden’]. I
remembered one day that I was going to have to preach that very day. So I
opened my Bible, trying to find a suitable subject. I happened to read Psalm
73, verse 25, which states: ‘Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none
upon earth that I desire besides thee.’ Upon reading it, I confessed that I
could not say these words as the psalmist had said. At the time I knew that
there was something hindering the relationship between me and God. For over ten
years I had had deep affections for Charity (Charity Chang was Watchman’s
schooldays sweetheart). She was not saved at that time. I tried to
preach the gospel to her, but she always laughed at me. We truly loved each
other. I let her laugh at the Lord Jesus whom I preached. In my heart she
always occupied a very large place. I had frequently asked myself if I should
continue to let her occupy such a place in my heart. We all know that when a
young man is in love, it is most difficult for him to lay it aside. Although
with my lips I said to God that I was willing to lay her aside, in my heart I
was unwilling to do so. I now read that verse in the Psalms again. I could
honestly confess that I could not lay her aside. During that entire week I
could not say, ‘Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth
that I desire besides thee’ The Spirit of God had put His finger on this very
issue as the hindrance to my being filled with the Holy Spirit. On that
particular day I still went to preach, though I did not know what I was
preaching about.
“Later on, I began to reason with
God. I asked Him to give me power first, and then I would lay her aside. But
God never reasons with men. In my youthfulness I promised God many things: I
would go to Tibet to preach the gospel; I promised Him I would do this and
that; but God would not listen. His finger persistently pointed at this girl
friend as my obstacle. No matter how I prayed, I could not get through. My
heart was really heavy. I even begged God to change His heart. But no, He
insisted on my dealing with this matter. It was as though there was a piercing
of my heart with a sharp sword. God wanted me to learn a deeper lesson; otherwise
I would be of no use in His hand.
“On yet another day I preached in
the morning. In the afternoon I was in my room under great heaviness of heart.
I told God that since I would be going back to school the next Monday I wanted
Him to fill me with the love of Christ. I was now ready to lay aside my lover.
The love of Christ had so constrained me that I was determined to put her
aside. With this decision made I could say from my heart the words of Psalm
73.25. My inside was filled with unspeakable joy. Even though I had not
ascended to the third heaven, I could say I had been to the second heaven, so
happy and full of joy was I. The world now became insignificant to me. I felt
as though I were floating on a cloud. On the night when I was saved, the burden
of my sins had been rolled away. On this day (13 February 1922), all obstacles
in my heart had been removed. Not long afterwards many people were saved.”
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