“How many times I would
fall?” I hate myself whenever I was confronted with this question in my mind.
Countless time I had fallen and I still keep falling in sin. Every time I fall
into a temptation I take a decision not to fall again but my decisions go vain.
Whom can I blame except
me, for I am the sole reason behind what I am doing. When I take the blame upon
myself, all I am doing is nothing but hating myself to the core. Whenever I
face any temptation or lust, I forget my Savior Jesus Christ who died for me
at the cross. I know Him personally and He is so close to my heart. I love Him
so much and I want to live for Him alone. I want to do things which glorify His
Name. My heart desire is to live for Him and for Him alone.
But yet when I face
temptation and lust, I just walk into it leaving my Saviour behind. Oh how can
I justify my wrong doings? I can’t justify it and so again I blame and hate
myself.
As I hate myself, the
question which immediately arises in my mind is “why should I live”. I don’t
even find a single worthy reason to live as I know my life is useful to none.
Throughout my life all I
gave to my Loving Saviour is hurt and wounds. Several times I told Him that I
won’t repeat my mistake but not even one moment I kept my promise. Why should I
live when I am not even a blessing to one person? So I decide to end my life.
I want to live to do
something for God but I tried my best to do that and I failed miserably. I
thought of dying but actually I don’t want to die. I want to live for Jesus
Christ but I don’t know how to do that. At this moment, I wish I would be
better if someone shows me a true caring love. But none in this world cares for
me. They are busy with their own worries. How could they stop and listen to
someone in pain when they themselves don’t know the way to solve their own
problems. I could not find anyone who loves me truly. No one is there in this
world to comfort me.
My heart is filled with
so much of sorrow and pain that I want to cry loudly. I was alone on the path
of putting an end to my life as I lost all my hope.
As tears flooded out of
my eyes and as I cry loud, I hear the still voice of Jesus Christ. He says to
me “My dear child, I love you and I am not far away from you. My love upon you is everlasting. I will wipe away
your tears. I will heal your wounds and I will turn your sorrows into joy. I
know that you are struggling now because of your weakness. But remember, My
grace is sufficient for you. My grace will never fail you. It will strengthen you.
I will pour out My Spirit upon you and I will set you free from your weakness.
I will hold your hand and I will carry you into the bright and prosperous
future which I have planned for you. You are My child and you will always be
Mine.”
As I heard His voice all
my sorrows were vanished and a divine peace filled my heart for I know His
grace is sufficient for me.
Jesus Christ says the
same to you today. Whatever be the situation you are in right now, remember His
grace is sufficient for you.
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