Q: I really want to get married, but I haven't
found anyone, and now I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will. Maybe I'm getting
panicky, but I'm tempted to go on the Internet and sign up for one of those
dating services. Do you think that would be a good idea? — D.W.
A: Dear D.W.,
One of the most important decisions you'll ever make is your decision about the person you will marry. Almost every day I get at least one letter from someone who rushed blindly into marriage and has lived to regret it. I pray you won't make that mistake.
One of the most important decisions you'll ever make is your decision about the person you will marry. Almost every day I get at least one letter from someone who rushed blindly into marriage and has lived to regret it. I pray you won't make that mistake.
That's why the most important advice I can give you
is for you to turn this very important area of your life over to God. God loves
you, and He knows what is best for you. More than that, He knows your needs and
He knows who the person is with whom you should spend the rest of your life.
The Bible's words apply to this area of your life as well as everything else
that affects you: "As for God, his way is perfect" (Psalm 18:30).
Begin by making sure of your relationship with Jesus
Christ. If you've never done so, turn to Him in repentance and faith, and
invite Him into your life today. Then turn this area of your life over to Him,
and ask Him to direct your path. The Bible says, "Come ... let us walk in
the light of the Lord" (Isaiah 2:5).
While some may find happiness through the Internet,
let me urge you instead to get involved in a church where Christ is preached
and lived. You are much more likely to meet the person of God's choice
there—someone who will not only love you, but with whom you can serve God.
Q: My fiancé and I are getting married next
month, and I wonder if you have any advice to give us. We've gotten lots of
advice from people, but I'm not sure how much of it is right, and we'd like to
hear what you have to say. By the way, how long have you been married?
— N.G.
A: Dear N.G.,
Ruth and I were married in 1943, and I will always be grateful for the many years God has given us together. Even in this latter part of our lives, our love for each other continues to grow stronger. I often think of God's words before He created Eve to be Adam's wife: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). Through the years, Ruth has been this to me—and more.
There is much I could say—but the most important advice I could ever give you is to make Christ the center and the foundation of your life together. Ruth has often said that a good marriage actually takes three people: the husband, the wife—and God. Make sure of your commitment to Christ, and make His love the heartbeat of your marriage.
What difference can Christ make in your marriage? First, He will give you a new love for each other—a love based not on your own selfish needs and desires, but on what you can do to help each other. This type of love—the type Christ has for us—will make you kind and considerate, instead of demanding or harsh.
Ruth and I were married in 1943, and I will always be grateful for the many years God has given us together. Even in this latter part of our lives, our love for each other continues to grow stronger. I often think of God's words before He created Eve to be Adam's wife: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). Through the years, Ruth has been this to me—and more.
There is much I could say—but the most important advice I could ever give you is to make Christ the center and the foundation of your life together. Ruth has often said that a good marriage actually takes three people: the husband, the wife—and God. Make sure of your commitment to Christ, and make His love the heartbeat of your marriage.
What difference can Christ make in your marriage? First, He will give you a new love for each other—a love based not on your own selfish needs and desires, but on what you can do to help each other. This type of love—the type Christ has for us—will make you kind and considerate, instead of demanding or harsh.
In addition, Christ will help you stay pure and
committed to each other, because you know He brought you together and is always
with you. Jesus said, "Therefore, what God has joined together, let man
not separate" (Matthew 19:6).
Q: I don't think my husband has a clue what
love is all about. He says he loves me, but to be honest he loves sitting in
front of the TV watching sports or going fishing with his buddies more than he
loves me. Should I just call it quits and start over? — Mrs. W.M.
A: Dear Mrs. W.M.,
I sincerely
hope you won't give up on your marriage, but that you will do all you can to
renew and rebuild it. And I believe it can be restored, with God's help—because
God cares for you and wants your marriage to be strong.
In your view, your husband doesn't understand what
love is—and perhaps you are right, at least up to a point. But could the same
be true of you? Don't misunderstand me; I know things haven't been easy for
you, and you aren't to blame for everything that has gone wrong. But have you
been willing to go out of your way to assure him of your love, and to put your
love into action?
You see, love isn't just an emotion; it also
involves our wills, and it involves action. The greatest enemy of love is
selfishness, and if there has been any hint of that in your own heart, I pray
you will face it and repent of it. The Bible says, "Love is patient, love
is kind. ... It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
Begin by committing your life—and your marriage—to
Jesus Christ. Then ask God to help you renew your marriage by acting in love
toward your husband. Most of all, ask God to help you both put Christ first in
your lives, because the closer you get to Christ, the closer you will be to
each other.
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