TESTIMONY OF Mrs. SHALINA PERCY DELICIA (PART SIX) | MY FATHER, MOTHER AND TEACHER | GHG COLLECTION OF TESTIMONIES (ISSUE 4)

 “To whom will you compare Me? Or who is My equal?” says the Holy One. – Isaiah 40:25

         With whom can I compare you my King, the Lord of Hosts? There is no God besides thee. Gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in mercy are you, Lord. It was my first pregnancy. My parents couldn't come to me as they needed to be with my sister for her first delivery.

        I was away from home, in a foreign land, and was expecting my first baby with no knowledge of how to raise a baby. My husband can take a maximum of two months of parental leave, after that I need to take care of the little one, provide food for the family, do housekeeping, and have to eat healthy foods to take care of myself. My parents were worried for me but somehow I was so confident thinking that I can handle all this as I gained experience of taking care of my cousins during my childhood days. It was very funny how God showed me that I am wrong in trusting my experiences rather than looking onto Him.

          Whenever my mom told the story of how my sister and I were born, she always ends the story like this, “To give birth to a child you need God’s mercies“ as my mom struggled a lot to give birth to us. As I became pregnant, I started to contemplate how to receive God's mercies. I was thinking, maybe I should help people a lot, give a lot of offerings, and do many good things so that God will show His mercy towards me. But no matter whatever good I did, I was doing it only for my satisfaction and happiness. I cannot earn God’s mercies by my deeds. It is something that God gives to me as His gift out of His abundant grace on me. That made me think, if I can't earn God's mercy then can I stop His mercy from reaching me fully? To this, I was able to find the answer. Yes, my bitterness and unforgiveness can shield me from the face of God. The Holy Spirit started to explain to me the truth of His word. If  myself being an earthly mother wants my child to be sweet, humble, and gentle person who walks in the fear of the Lord always, won't my Heavenly Father who has knitted me together in my mother’s womb and knew me even before He laid the foundations of the world expect the same from me? 

            How then can I be a humble person if I am not able to completely let go of the pain and forgive those who caused that pain to me? I learned the hard truth that unforgiveness can stop me from receiving God’s mercies. My friends, whether you agree with me or not, when we can’t forgive someone for the words or actions they have inflicted upon us, we labor bitterness in our heart which is the very first sign of pride in us. The only time when God stands against us is when we are proud. In James 4:6, the bible says that God opposes the proud. With God on our side, we can win anything even if the whole world is against us but what can we do if God stands against us? Secondly, prolonged bitterness leads to hatredness whereby we become prisoners within us and will not be able to understand either God's will or fulfill the destiny He has for us. 

So came the night when my delivery pain started. After a labor of almost 24 hours, my son came into this world in the year 2018. It was a tough journey for me, my husband, and the little one but even there God stood with us. In the labor room as they were monitoring my contractions and wave after wave of pain was squeezing me to scream, I was asking myself "Hey! How long are they going to monitor this and when will they start the process of delivering the baby? I was not even aware that I am already in the process of delivering and soon I will be asked to push my son into the world". At each contraction pain, I looked upon the Cross where Jesus bled and His pain became my pain killer. I would like to mention here that I had strong prayer support from my church members who stood with me in faith. 

         While pregnant, I asked my son to listen to the voice of his Master and to obey Him. I told him to hold His hands and He will bring him safely home. All he needs to do is listen to the Almighty's instructions, though it may not be comfortable for him, in the end everything will be fine. The moment I held my baby in my arms, I was so happy that my little boy has listened to his Creator's voice because delivery is not only about the mother but also about the co-operation of the baby in the whole process. My dear aspiring mothers and mothers to be, keep praying and keep forgiving, the Lord your God will work out everything for His glory. 

         It was my son's first night at home, he was so tiny and screamed his lung out every time we wanted to change him. A post-delivery emotional roller-coaster, missing the advice and nearness of my parents, his scream, being alone at home just with my husband on the first day after delivery and all this had thrown me to the edge of asking God, “Lord, where are you when I need you the most? Why have you left me alone?“ I thought with my experience I can handle this. But I wasn't prepared for this. My son was born 20 days earlier and was weighing only 2kgs. He was so fragile and delicate and I was even afraid to hold him close to me. So much advice was given to me from loved ones and family members on how to do this and that but none of them were with me except myself and my screaming baby in my hands. They meant it good but each baby is unique and different. I didn’t even know how to burp him and because of that milk stayed up in the throat. It pained him and he couldn’t sleep and that made him cry more. Oh, God what am I going to do? During those sleepless nights, when I didn‘t know how to soothe my crying son, I had put him on the changing table and cried along with him.  

Our God never takes His eyes from us. How much more will He care when tears flow down our cheeks! Help, He never denies His children. He promised me this, "Shalina for some I send help in the form of parents and loved ones and for some, I Myself go as their Help. And for you, it is the latter and I have come down to help you in this journey.“ He asked me, "Why do you say ‚my father is not with me‘, Am I not your Heavenly Father who knew you better than your earthly father? I am with you. Why do you miss your mother? A mother can forget the suckling baby at her breast but I will never forget you. I am with you. Why do you say you have no wisdom? Am I not your Heavenly Father who is greater than Solomon himself? Won't I teach you how to bring up your baby?" That was all I wanted to hear and know that He is with me and I am not alone. It soothed and calmed my heart. He became my Father, Mother, and Teacher.   

I wouldn’t say life is all so rosy and easy. I think it will lose its meaning if everything goes smoothly. Some storms need to come to wobble our boat so that we can witness the power of the One who has control over the seas and storms, some tears need to be shed here and there to enjoy the comfort of the Savior's shoulders, a period of brokenness needs to happen to know the healing touch of our Potter's hands and some desert and valley paths have to be traveled to fully understand Who He is and who we are in Him. 

         My prayer for you is that you will never stop experiencing God in different dimensions, in different areas of your life by yielding yourself into His hands. Yes, of course, He still speaks not only through the Bible but also in your heart. All you need to do is listen and you will hear His voice, His laugh, His gentle rebuke, and His sweet song in every turn of your life. Every day is a gift from Him, cherish it and enjoy it with Him for there is nothing sweeter than being with Him. God bless you! 

 

TESTIMONY OF Mrs. SHALINA PERCY DELICIA (PART FIVE) | A NEW BEGINNING | GHG COLLECTION OF TESTIMONIES (ISSUE 4)

“For in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.” – Isaiah 25:1         

        Before I continue with my story of how I got married, I want to give a humble suggestion for those who are looking forward to meeting their life partner. Let me be clear my friends. If we want to know God’s approval or concern about a person whom we like when we are just eighteen or still studying it won't work. He will either remain silent or say 'No' because the Bible says, there is a time for everything. A time for us to grow, a time to build ourselves, a time to prepare, and a time to settle down in life. However, that doesn't stop us from praying for our future life partner even when we are very young. Keep praying from your youth with fasting and at the right time, He will reveal His heart to you and will show you whom He has chosen for you.

        I got married to my husband in 2015 in Germany after going through a courtship period of two years and an intense time of counseling sessions with our pastor. Yes, I got confirmation from God, got the blessings of my parents, and yet a few days before the marriage, I was asking myself whether I have heard God properly and made the right choice in my life. Oh! Come on, how could I be so wavering with my thoughts. You see once I made a mistake in the past, it still carried fear in my heart. But God’s voice came so strong to me, “Never doubt your foundation." He told me very clearly that if I am going to doubt the foundation of my marriage and let the fear, situations, and circumstances intimidate me, then He would not be able to build anything on that foundation. He asked me to take Him as the strongest Foundation I can ever find.  

        With my little experience of five years in marriage, I could say one thing, at one point in time we will all face this question of ‘Have I married the right person?’ Things that happen in the family can make us think like this; especially we women become very sensitive and emotional at our weakest point. Nevertheless, the answer lies in the foundation on which you have started your life. Jesus is your foundation and He bears and protects what is built on Him.

       He will never let the devourer destroy His masterpiece. So whenever such a question arises, immediately run back to Him and shut your ears to the lies of the enemy. The Lord will carry you through. Yes, He has carried us through thus far in all our ups and downs. There are so many incidents where the Holy Spirit corrected me during my marriage journey. I would like to share one of them with you.

        It was a cold, rainy day and I left my jacket and phone at home while going to work. In the evening, my husband needs to pick me up from the railway station to bring me home as our house was on a hilltop. Before leaving work, I called him from the office phone to enquire when he would leave from his office so that I can take the train accordingly and both of us can reach the railway station at the same time. After I reached, I waited in the usual place for my husband to come and pick me up in the car. I waited and waited and he didn't turn up. It was getting colder and darker and I started to shiver. Initially, I was worried for his safety but then when time passed by, I started to be upset with him for not showing up on time. I couldn't wait any longer as chillness pinched my bones and walked home climbing the steep hill. 

        While walking, I started to accuse him more and more for his delay. By the time I almost reached up, I was so angry at him and wanted to show it out on him when he reaches home. All the while, the still small voice of God was telling me that I am not right in accusing him for no mistake of his. Firstly, it is my mistake that I left my phone at home and secondly it could be that he is stuck in a traffic jam and has no means to contact me. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to listen to God’s voice as I had already listened to the lie of the enemy and had even nurtured it with anger and bitterness. When I was about to open the door of my house, the Holy Spirit rebuked me. He said, "Shalina, if you are going to enter the house with this bitterness, I will not come inside with you. You need to go alone." I don't remember how long I stood outside arguing with the Holy Spirit but finally I gave in as I didn't want to go home alone without Him. That day God helped me to understand how a small misunderstanding can become a poisonous bitterness in the soul if we let it grow in our hearts. He taught me to uproot such thoughts the moment they spring up otherwise, once fueled, they will grow into a big tree that is very difficult to remove without causing pain and heartaches.

 

TESTIMONY OF Mrs. SHALINA PERCY DELICIA (PART FOUR) | HIS FAITHFULNESS | GHG COLLECTION OF TESTIMONIES (ISSUE 4)

 “God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?." - Numbers 23:19  

What do I mean by messing up again? Yes, let me tell the truth. Before I got married to my wonderful husband, I was in a serious relationship with another person, not being fully aware that he was not the better half whom God has intended for me. Since my God is faithful, He honored the covenant of my salvation with Him and began to intervene in that relationship of mine. God couldn't give up on me because of His love for me on the cross. I am confessing with all humility that coming out of that relationship was not an easy thing for me. It broke me completely and made my life upside down. It sucked the very soul out of me. However, for the sake of me, God needed to step in so that though it was terrible at that moment; at the end I would be able to fulfill my destiny that God has planned for me.

That very same pain of losing someone resurfaced again when I met that special person in Germany. This made me think, whether I am repeating the same old mistake. In the prime of youth and beauty, it is natural for a girl/ boy to feel infatuated towards the opposite gender. It can make one blind to ask questions like, “Is he/she the one for me?” Yes, it did the same for me. However, God was merciful to me. He reminded me about my past mistake not to make me feel miserable, but that He is waiting for me to consult about this with Him, the One Who knew me inside out, before I can make any decision about my life partner. God wanted me to make the right decision at this very important point of my life.

I had hardly spent a week in Germany getting to know about that person that I had to come back to India to finish my Master's degree. Not knowing whether I will ever meet that person again, I came to India. My intuition made me feel like, “yes, he is the one for me”. But the interesting thing here is, most of the time our mind tries to make us believe what we actually want and not what God wants us to hear. Hence, I was very stubborn this time that I want to know what God tells me about this liking of mine. I went to God and had a very plain conversation with God explaining Him what I feel and how I feel about that person. I explained God about my liking for that person and waited for Him to respond. This time I didn't go to God for approval after already making the decision, but I went to God before I could make any decision about this. I did not want to start developing my feelings for him without knowing the plan of God for my life. I pulled a tough deal with God.

          When it comes to making one of the most important decisions of your life, the decision of choosing the life partner, ask God for His confirmation no matter how silly or crazy that might sound. So I went ahead and told God, “Lord, you know the customs and traditions of my family. Parents usually look into the grooms for their daughters. You are the God who respects everyone. If he is the one whom You have for me, then it is not my job but it is Your job to tell my parents about Your decision.” I didn’t stop there. I also asked for further confirmations from God for me to accept him as my life partner. After this prayer, I was at rest. Here, happened the miracle which couldn’t just explain them in words. God worked beautifully to show His will to me and my parents. One day my mom received the confirmation from the Lord and God also showed His will to my father in His own way and both my parents were satisfied with this decision.  

On one side knowing the will of God in my life, on the other side will that person whom I like also seek God to know His plan for his life? Yes, he also sought God to choose the right girl for him. It looked like everything was going smoothly. Of course, if everything goes according to what we like or want, then where is the glory of God in it? By this time, I had completed my Master's program and was sitting at home with no job. Now, the question is how am I going to get back to Germany? Before I came to India, I had applied for a Ph.D. position in the same university where I did my internship. But things were getting delayed for the approval of my Ph.D. position and pressure started to mount to search for a job in India. When it came to the point that I can no more go on, God answered my cry. It was a test for me like Abraham whether I will be willing to give up all the dreams, forget about God’s promises about my future and accept what He wants to give me. 

Gather up your belongings to leave the land, you who live under siege. - Jeremiah 10:17

The moment I read this verse, I knew very well that the Spirit of the Living God has spoken to me after months of silence. My soul and spirit rejoiced within me in the strength of His word. God asked me to pack my belongings to leave the land but in reality, I neither had any acceptance letter from the university nor my visa. Interestingly, I started making my travel-list, went shopping, packed my dresses, and was getting myself ready when I didn't even have the visa to Germany. My mom was perplexed and troubled. She didn‘t want to disappoint me, but she also knew the fact that I don‘t have any job offer to pursue Ph.D. in Germany. But God proved to me once again that once He spoke a word, no one can change it. At the right time, He gave me the job offer, visa, and everything needed to travel back to Germany.

        Before I was about to leave India, I got my last confirmation that it was God’s will for me to go to Germany. I was struck with fever for over a week, chills and shivers shook my body every night. On one such night, I had to fight with the enemy in my dream as he started to fill me with fear. Unknown fear which couldn’t be explained gripped me that night. But the Holy Spirit raised a standard against the enemy who came like a flood over me and took me out of those jaws victoriously. After that encounter, I recovered quickly and my spirit witnessed God's leading and I was convinced that He is taking me to Germany according to His plan. Thus began my journey back to Germany. 

TESTIMONY OF Mrs. SHALINA PERCY DELICIA (PART THREE) | A TURNOVER | GHG COLLECTION OF TESTIMONIES (ISSUE 4)

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

It was one of my deepest desires to pursue higher studies abroad. Though God gave me a job in TCS through campus interview and I wrote my last Bachelor degree exam with such excitement that this will be the last exam of my life, His plans were different, a unique plan which He has devised even before He laid the foundations of the world. Instead of getting my Transfer Certificate for my job process, I came out of the Student's office with an application form for a Master's degree in the same University. Even now, I couldn't quite remember or understand what got into my mind at that time. So, again I continued my student life in the very field from which I ran away once.

Through the International Association for the Exchange of Students for Technical Experience (IAESTE), I got an opportunity to apply for an internship in one of the top five universities in Germany. Applications were sent and an online interview date was scheduled. The time came and I realized that all the gold medals I got during my Bachelor's degree were nothing. It was like the interviewers speaking idioms and phrases and I am explaining to them in alphabets. I knew right at that moment that if I get through this then it has to be a miracle. I was restless. I was pacing outside my hostel room. I opened my bible and started reading John 6. The chapter begins with the miracle of Jesus feeding 5000 men with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes. Verse 7 says, Philip answered Him (Jesus), “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite.” 

I closed my Bible and started crying unto God. Lord, all my five years of studies won’t even be of little worth when compared to the knowledge and intelligence of the people who interviewed me. If they reject me, what will I do with all those desires in my heart? Even if they accept me, what am I going to do there, for I will shame myself in front of them? For a prayer like this, how do you expect God to answer? I don’t want to be rejected and I don’t know what to do if I get accepted. No one can understand our God’s patience.  He gently asked me to continue reading John Chapter 6. He promised me, “If only you surrender your five years of studies with all its crowns and medals to Me, I will do something in your life that you will even have leftovers”. Reluctantly, I gave it all to Him, and then His great peace ruled my heart and I knew that I need to get ready to go to Germany for my internship.

 Hoop … hoop… began my flight to Germany with anxieties of not knowing what to expect. On the day of my arrival, I was shown my room, the facilities available, and the nearby supermarkets. With so much enthusiasm to explore the surroundings, I took my shopping list and cycled to the nearby supermarket. You won't believe me, even with my little knowledge in cooking I couldn't differentiate salt from sugar because every label was in German and I know not even a single word in German. I thought I would manage in Germany with my English. Again, God humbled me and made me depend on Him once more.

            It was my first day at Karlsruhe Institute of Technology. Google maps showed me a path, which went through a small forest. I was not so confident to walk alone. I asked the One who sent me to Germany, “Lord, how am I going to live in this unknown country among unknown people?” He replied, “Shalina, Yes! You are living in an unknown country but with the known God." How true it is! I have forgotten that the God who spreads the blue skies in India is the same One who paints the skies in Germany too!

            If faith has to be explained then I would say it is the foundation upon which our lives are built. It is the rock upon which we stand. This unshakable rock is none other than Christ Himself. He is the Rock of ages. God started to build my faith during my internship. Away from home with no one to care, He taught me to depend on Him completely. His lessons were always interesting and at the same time demanding. It was one such time when He taught me what it is to laugh with tears flowing down my cheeks. Due to some administrative issues, my salary was delayed for two months. I managed with the little money my parents gave and the food items I took from home for the first two months. The third month dawned with the last soup sachet in my pantry and not even a single cent in my pocket. It happened to be a Friday and my supervisor assured me that my salary would have already been credited to my bank account. That evening I went to the bank with so much joy and a long shopping list. I thought I didn’t hear well when the cashier said that the salary has not been credited. But that was the reality. I walked back home with tears flowing down my cheeks. On one side I was disappointed and on the other side,  I wondered what I was going to eat for the next two days as Saturdays and Sundays are holidays in Germany and I cannot ask the help of my supervisor until Monday. Out of nowhere came this song into my head, “The joy that I have; Jesus gave it to me. The world didn’t give it and the world can’t take it away”. Right in the middle of the street, God confronted me on my weakness. “Is your faith based on what you see or is it on Me? Will you be able to say like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, ‘Even if our God whom we serve does not deliver us, we will still serve Him only’?” That was a very difficult question for me to answer.  

            With the little strength I had, I started to sing the song again and again till I truly felt His joy in my soul. I ate my last soup for dinner and slept. Saturday morning, I didn't want to get up for the fear of not having anything to eat. It was almost 1 p.m.; I was still lying in bed wide-awake contemplating on what to do. Finally, I got up and looked around my room to see whether I can find anything. There were few empty bottles. I exchanged them for four buns with which I managed for the rest of the weekend. From this incident, should I say that God abandoned me? That He didn’t keep His promise? That He put me to shame despite my faith in Him? No, not at all. Though it seemed like He has forsaken me and all my faith has been shattered, He was in fact laying carefully the foundation of my life, the very element of faith. Faith, that will dare to trust even when everything happens right opposite to what the Lord has actually promised and that will say even if He won’t deliver me still I will serve Him.

            How can I ever say I am strong until I have been put to test and proved to be enduring? My faith was put to test. Just a few weeks before my final presentation, the project I did for five months got collapsed due to some software update. With nowhere to turn, I looked up unto His face for help. Like it is said in Isaiah, He will leave no stone unturned to reach to us. He gave me the strength and wisdom to redo everything from scratch again and to finish my report and presentation on time. Yes, I am so proud to serve an awesome God before Whom even time bows.

            One week before my departure to India, I happened to meet a special person. He is one of the colleagues of my supervisor. Will this special person continue to remain special to me or am I going to mess up my life once again?

         

         

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