“God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?." - Numbers 23:19
What do I
mean by messing up again? Yes, let me tell the truth. Before I got married to
my wonderful husband, I was in a serious relationship with another person, not
being fully aware that he was not the better half whom God has intended for me.
Since my God is faithful, He honored the covenant of my salvation with Him and
began to intervene in that relationship of mine. God couldn't give up on me
because of His love for me on the cross. I am confessing with all humility that
coming out of that relationship was not an easy thing for me. It broke me
completely and made my life upside down. It sucked the very soul out of me.
However, for the sake of me, God needed to step in so that though it was
terrible at that moment; at the end I would be able to fulfill my destiny that
God has planned for me.
That very
same pain of losing someone resurfaced again when I met that special person in
Germany. This made me think, whether I am repeating the same old mistake. In
the prime of youth and beauty, it is natural for a girl/ boy to feel infatuated
towards the opposite gender. It can make one blind to ask questions like, “Is
he/she the one for me?” Yes, it did the same for me. However, God was merciful
to me. He reminded me about my past mistake not to make me feel miserable, but
that He is waiting for me to consult about this with Him, the One Who knew me
inside out, before I can make any decision about my life partner. God wanted me
to make the right decision at this very important point of my life.
I had hardly spent a week in Germany getting to know about that person that I had to come back to India to finish my Master's degree. Not knowing whether I will ever meet that person again, I came to India. My intuition made me feel like, “yes, he is the one for me”. But the interesting thing here is, most of the time our mind tries to make us believe what we actually want and not what God wants us to hear. Hence, I was very stubborn this time that I want to know what God tells me about this liking of mine. I went to God and had a very plain conversation with God explaining Him what I feel and how I feel about that person. I explained God about my liking for that person and waited for Him to respond. This time I didn't go to God for approval after already making the decision, but I went to God before I could make any decision about this. I did not want to start developing my feelings for him without knowing the plan of God for my life. I pulled a tough deal with God.
When it comes to making one of the most important decisions of your life, the decision of choosing the life partner, ask God for His confirmation no matter how silly or crazy that might sound. So I went ahead and told God, “Lord, you know the customs and traditions of my family. Parents usually look into the grooms for their daughters. You are the God who respects everyone. If he is the one whom You have for me, then it is not my job but it is Your job to tell my parents about Your decision.” I didn’t stop there. I also asked for further confirmations from God for me to accept him as my life partner. After this prayer, I was at rest. Here, happened the miracle which couldn’t just explain them in words. God worked beautifully to show His will to me and my parents. One day my mom received the confirmation from the Lord and God also showed His will to my father in His own way and both my parents were satisfied with this decision.
On one side knowing the will of God in my life, on the other side will that person whom I like also seek God to know His plan for his life? Yes, he also sought God to choose the right girl for him. It looked like everything was going smoothly. Of course, if everything goes according to what we like or want, then where is the glory of God in it? By this time, I had completed my Master's program and was sitting at home with no job. Now, the question is how am I going to get back to Germany? Before I came to India, I had applied for a Ph.D. position in the same university where I did my internship. But things were getting delayed for the approval of my Ph.D. position and pressure started to mount to search for a job in India. When it came to the point that I can no more go on, God answered my cry. It was a test for me like Abraham whether I will be willing to give up all the dreams, forget about God’s promises about my future and accept what He wants to give me.
Gather up your belongings to leave the land, you who live under siege. - Jeremiah 10:17
The moment I read this verse, I knew very well that the Spirit of the Living God has spoken to me after months of silence. My soul and spirit rejoiced within me in the strength of His word. God asked me to pack my belongings to leave the land but in reality, I neither had any acceptance letter from the university nor my visa. Interestingly, I started making my travel-list, went shopping, packed my dresses, and was getting myself ready when I didn't even have the visa to Germany. My mom was perplexed and troubled. She didn‘t want to disappoint me, but she also knew the fact that I don‘t have any job offer to pursue Ph.D. in Germany. But God proved to me once again that once He spoke a word, no one can change it. At the right time, He gave me the job offer, visa, and everything needed to travel back to Germany.
Before I was about to leave India, I got my last confirmation that it was God’s will for me to go to Germany. I was struck with fever for over a week, chills and shivers shook my body every night. On one such night, I had to fight with the enemy in my dream as he started to fill me with fear. Unknown fear which couldn’t be explained gripped me that night. But the Holy Spirit raised a standard against the enemy who came like a flood over me and took me out of those jaws victoriously. After that encounter, I recovered quickly and my spirit witnessed God's leading and I was convinced that He is taking me to Germany according to His plan. Thus began my journey back to Germany.
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