Early in January of 2004 I came
to a crossroad in my life. I was living away from my family and going to
college. I began to isolate myself from my friends. I remember lying in bed one
night and coming to the realization that if I didn’t do something about my life
now, I would lose it. I could see that I was stumbling blindly into more
darkness. I decided to pack up my bags and move home to my family. I wanted to
begin a search for some meaning in my life.
Choosing to move back home
proved to be a smart decision. Living with my family, I stopped using drugs.
But I still felt worthless. My mind and heart where filled with regret and
guilt. About a month after I had moved home I heard about an upcoming movie
about Jesus that was coming to theaters. It was a film surrounded by
controversy and I quickly became very interested in seeing it. Something,
somewhere was telling me to see this film.
Seeing The Passion of the Christ
It’s interesting to think back, because I actually knew before I went to
see this film that it would change my life! Growing up in a non-religious home,
Christmas was about Santa Claus and Easter was about the Easter Bunny. I knew
very little about the Christian faith and Jesus. I knew that Jesus was
crucified but I didn’t know why.
In early March I went to see the
movie The Passion of the Christ with my parents. I have never
experienced emotions like the ones I felt as I watched that movie. I was
clenching the arm rest of my chair, sobbing, and shaking. What I was seeing was
true and I couldn’t deny the compassion that touched my heart. I saw Jesus for
the first time on that screen.
I left the theater stunned,
feeling numb, overwhelmed and anxious. My parents wanted to discuss the film
but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. That night, before I went to
sleep, I talked to Jesus for the first time. I didn’t know
how to pray. I didn’t know anything about God or religion but I knew when I spoke to Jesus
that night I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. I cried and prayed and then
fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
Asking questions about Jesus
The next day I wanted to know everything about Jesus so I went to buy a
Bible. I knew that I could find all the answers to my questions in that book.
When I purchased my Bible, I asked the store clerk about church. I wanted to
know where I should go and what groups I should join. She was kind enough to
give me some great suggestions.
I started reading my Bible in
the New Testament with the Gospel of Matthew. I powered through it in seven
days! Initially, I had so many questions. As I read I found that the questions
began answering themselves.
I was browsing a website
designed around The Passion movie, and I read an article called “Are you
looking for forgiveness?” I certainly was looking for forgiveness! I needed
forgiveness from others and forgiveness from myself. Before I read this
article, I didn’t believe that I could ever be forgiven. I prayed this prayer
for the first time: “God, thank you for what You have done for me. I believe You
sent Jesus to die for my sins. I believe Jesus rose again to give me
everlasting life. Please forgive me for the wrong things I have done. Please
give me a new and clean heart. I invite you into my life. Teach me to do
everything You want me to do and to follow You all the days of my life. I pray
this believing in what Jesus did for me. Amen.”
Getting to know Jesus
After I prayed these words I felt a quiet, calming sense of peace. In my
mind I saw an image of me and Jesus where I was six years old. My long brown
hair was braided in two pigtails and Jesus was kneeling down with his arms
wrapped tightly around me. He was stroking my hair. I was clinging to him,
hugging him and looking up at him as he smiled at me. I knew I had come home!
Before, I had always been on a
search for something to fill this empty void in my life. I tried filling it
with drugs, alcohol, sex, with whatever I could to get a feeling of pleasure
and self-worth. Now Jesus fills that void. After I read the New Testament, and
Jesus became the reason and focus of my life, I began to see the world
differently. It was as if someone had lifted the veil covering my eyes and I
finally understood the truth about what my existence in this life really means.
Faith and freedom
For so long I had thought that Christianity was a means of control, with
lots of rules of what you can and can’t do. Yet, it turns out that by giving my
life to Jesus the opposite happened and I am finally FREE! I am no longer a
slave to sin. Now I have the power to make the right choices for the right
reasons, to honour God.
My Dad told me that he had known
about my drug use and was watching my life unravel. He had felt so helpless,
and at that time he begged for God’s help. He told me that he
prayed to God, saying that he would give up anything and everything he owned to
have me back to how I used to be. His prayers were answered! Here I was strong
and full of joy, speaking about how God had changed my life, full of confidence
and love. I was completely transformed. God had answered his prayer tenfold. At
that moment he knew that God truly did exist. In a very short time, my parents
and my brother have also become followers of Jesus.
Although my spiritual walk with
Jesus has been brief, I have complete trust in God. I have exposed my
vulnerability and weaknesses in order for God to use me to serve others. I will
use my past hurts, struggles and weaknesses to help others as God sees fit. God
created me as I am and my history has become part of His purpose. My
personality and strengths are a result of His love for me.
Take a look at your life. How
would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward?
Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things
we dream of doing one day; there are things we wish we could forget. In the
Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life
look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life.
No-one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the
opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with
God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
(TAKEN FROM http://www.internetevangelismday.com)
No comments:
Post a Comment