“To whom will you compare Me? Or who is My equal?” says the Holy One. – Isaiah 40:25
With whom can I compare you my King, the Lord of Hosts? There is no God besides thee. Gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in mercy are you, Lord. It was my first pregnancy. My parents couldn't come to me as they needed to be with my sister for her first delivery.
I was away from home, in a foreign land, and was expecting my first baby with no knowledge of how to raise a baby. My husband can take a maximum of two months of parental leave, after that I need to take care of the little one, provide food for the family, do housekeeping, and have to eat healthy foods to take care of myself. My parents were worried for me but somehow I was so confident thinking that I can handle all this as I gained experience of taking care of my cousins during my childhood days. It was very funny how God showed me that I am wrong in trusting my experiences rather than looking onto Him.
Whenever my mom told the story of how my sister and I were born, she always ends the story like this, “To give birth to a child you need God’s mercies“ as my mom struggled a lot to give birth to us. As I became pregnant, I started to contemplate how to receive God's mercies. I was thinking, maybe I should help people a lot, give a lot of offerings, and do many good things so that God will show His mercy towards me. But no matter whatever good I did, I was doing it only for my satisfaction and happiness. I cannot earn God’s mercies by my deeds. It is something that God gives to me as His gift out of His abundant grace on me. That made me think, if I can't earn God's mercy then can I stop His mercy from reaching me fully? To this, I was able to find the answer. Yes, my bitterness and unforgiveness can shield me from the face of God. The Holy Spirit started to explain to me the truth of His word. If myself being an earthly mother wants my child to be sweet, humble, and gentle person who walks in the fear of the Lord always, won't my Heavenly Father who has knitted me together in my mother’s womb and knew me even before He laid the foundations of the world expect the same from me?
How then can I be a humble person if I am not able to completely let go of the pain and forgive those who caused that pain to me? I learned the hard truth that unforgiveness can stop me from receiving God’s mercies. My friends, whether you agree with me or not, when we can’t forgive someone for the words or actions they have inflicted upon us, we labor bitterness in our heart which is the very first sign of pride in us. The only time when God stands against us is when we are proud. In James 4:6, the bible says that God opposes the proud. With God on our side, we can win anything even if the whole world is against us but what can we do if God stands against us? Secondly, prolonged bitterness leads to hatredness whereby we become prisoners within us and will not be able to understand either God's will or fulfill the destiny He has for us.
So came the night when my delivery pain started. After a labor of almost 24 hours, my son came into this world in the year 2018. It was a tough journey for me, my husband, and the little one but even there God stood with us. In the labor room as they were monitoring my contractions and wave after wave of pain was squeezing me to scream, I was asking myself "Hey! How long are they going to monitor this and when will they start the process of delivering the baby? I was not even aware that I am already in the process of delivering and soon I will be asked to push my son into the world". At each contraction pain, I looked upon the Cross where Jesus bled and His pain became my pain killer. I would like to mention here that I had strong prayer support from my church members who stood with me in faith.
While pregnant, I asked my son to listen to the voice of his Master and to obey Him. I told him to hold His hands and He will bring him safely home. All he needs to do is listen to the Almighty's instructions, though it may not be comfortable for him, in the end everything will be fine. The moment I held my baby in my arms, I was so happy that my little boy has listened to his Creator's voice because delivery is not only about the mother but also about the co-operation of the baby in the whole process. My dear aspiring mothers and mothers to be, keep praying and keep forgiving, the Lord your God will work out everything for His glory.
It was my son's first night at home, he was so tiny and screamed his lung out every time we wanted to change him. A post-delivery emotional roller-coaster, missing the advice and nearness of my parents, his scream, being alone at home just with my husband on the first day after delivery and all this had thrown me to the edge of asking God, “Lord, where are you when I need you the most? Why have you left me alone?“ I thought with my experience I can handle this. But I wasn't prepared for this. My son was born 20 days earlier and was weighing only 2kgs. He was so fragile and delicate and I was even afraid to hold him close to me. So much advice was given to me from loved ones and family members on how to do this and that but none of them were with me except myself and my screaming baby in my hands. They meant it good but each baby is unique and different. I didn’t even know how to burp him and because of that milk stayed up in the throat. It pained him and he couldn’t sleep and that made him cry more. Oh, God what am I going to do? During those sleepless nights, when I didn‘t know how to soothe my crying son, I had put him on the changing table and cried along with him.
Our God never takes His eyes from us. How much more will He care when tears flow down our cheeks! Help, He never denies His children. He promised me this, "Shalina for some I send help in the form of parents and loved ones and for some, I Myself go as their Help. And for you, it is the latter and I have come down to help you in this journey.“ He asked me, "Why do you say ‚my father is not with me‘, Am I not your Heavenly Father who knew you better than your earthly father? I am with you. Why do you miss your mother? A mother can forget the suckling baby at her breast but I will never forget you. I am with you. Why do you say you have no wisdom? Am I not your Heavenly Father who is greater than Solomon himself? Won't I teach you how to bring up your baby?" That was all I wanted to hear and know that He is with me and I am not alone. It soothed and calmed my heart. He became my Father, Mother, and Teacher.
I wouldn’t say life is all so rosy and easy. I think it will lose its meaning if everything goes smoothly. Some storms need to come to wobble our boat so that we can witness the power of the One who has control over the seas and storms, some tears need to be shed here and there to enjoy the comfort of the Savior's shoulders, a period of brokenness needs to happen to know the healing touch of our Potter's hands and some desert and valley paths have to be traveled to fully understand Who He is and who we are in Him.
My prayer for you is that you will never stop experiencing God in different dimensions, in different areas of your life by yielding yourself into His hands. Yes, of course, He still speaks not only through the Bible but also in your heart. All you need to do is listen and you will hear His voice, His laugh, His gentle rebuke, and His sweet song in every turn of your life. Every day is a gift from Him, cherish it and enjoy it with Him for there is nothing sweeter than being with Him. God bless you!
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